I spent five days at Ft. Campbell for a Memorial dedication and just hanging out with the guys of my son's company. I had many good times I will be writing about but one particular conversation with my son's Company commander burns in my memory. It was not a serious in depth conversation but it set me to thinking.
The CPT. had asked about how my family was doing in all this. I am always honest about the different stages we are all at. With this man I let him peek behind my carefully constructed walls. I made the statement that my son David had finally turn the corner and was moving beyond the anger and starting to learn to cope with the pain. He asked me " Who is he angry at?" And I told him that was just it there is no one to be angry at. You are just angry with no one and no where to direct it at.
The more I think about that statement the more I realize I too hold a great deal of anger. Not directed anger, just anger. I know it's there just below the surface but I also know it would do no good what so ever to allow it to surface. In some ways I use the anger to fuel what I do. I refuse to succumb to it and allow it do more damage that what is already done. It's a hard concept for some people to grasp I suppose. How can a person be anger at nothing and everything?
I suppose also that anyone who knows me or has meet me would be shocked to find out that within me is a rage so hot that it would scare most people if I allowed it to show. How can anyone with that much rage not release it? I am not sure how to be honest. I just know I keep it carefully guarded. I allow it to release in small burst which i work hard to turn the energy of into something positive. I use it to research cases that our Military men and women are not getting a fair shake. I use it to be involved in politics so that maybe just maybe the right people will lead this country and not allow this to happen to another family.
Who is he angry at?... no one. The anger is simple there. we are just angry at the emptiness in our lives. And I hope my family wisely softens the anger with good works.
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6 comments:
Thank you for this post on anger. Someone told me that anger is a reaction to injustice.
I am often angry, and I don't want to take it out on my loved ones, so I pray specifically that God relieve and remove it, and replace it with His Love. And He does. I also ask God to alert me to when I am angry, because I am so slow to admit it. I wallow in it too much.
I got so angry at the speaker at a Welcome Home Ceremony last Sunday at Fort Sill. I just wanted the speaker to rattle that speech off like an autioneer and release those family members to go hug their soldiers. We are not going to remember the speech anyway.
My husband doesn't get my anger. He thinks it is something I can just turn off like a light switch. I think guys deny they are angry. They let the women do the feelings. Just my opinion.
I agree with Joyce in that it takes God's love in my heart to remove anger and also that I need to be alerted to my anger so I can admit it and not wallow in it. Because wallowing in anger can be addictive, it comes so natural to us frail humans. Pretty soon after that anger has been nursed and wallowed in it reveals itself in bitterness which is poison. So I'm thankful that your son was able to get beyond his anger. I pray that you'll find peace to replace your anger. I've found peace and forgiveness in my relationship with Jesus Christ. He loves you.
Thank you for your honesty in your blog.
I agree with Mrs. JP. God must warn us about anger because it hurts us. Last night our Bible teacher went over the verse in First Peter that talks about putting away malice. Malice is anger, right?
My prayer for all of us---that God take away our anger and replace it with His desires. And that God help us leave justice in His Hands. And that God show us how to help others. I pray my words help, not hurt. I saw this awesome quote at Airman Mom today:
"God has not called us to see through each other, but to see each other through."
There is nothing wrong with anger to me. People ought to be angry more than apathetic. Ignorance and Apathy have destroyed the country.
I suspect the anger is part of the normal grieving process.
A few months after my dad died, ssome jackasses pulled up in front of my flat, smoking weed and blasting their stereo.
I flung open my window, started screaming at them like a banshee and then, when one gave me some lip (asking me to calm down) I marched out side and carried on until they left.
These five black guys were making a delievery to the Jazz Club next door during normal working hours.
Hours after they left, scared shitless they they would be making a visit to pay me back and genuinely remorseful and deeply embarassed, by these type of incidents, I called a friend who's father had died a few years before.
My friend suggested "grievance" counselling.
I knew what she meant and after some searching, found an excellent grief counselor. That was probably the hardest thing I've ever done and the most worthwhile.
I can't imagine what it is like to lose a son or a brother with everything to look forward to. My Dad died after living a full life- and I was f-ing raging.
If you lived in London, I'd give you the name of my grief counsellor. All I can do is recommend the process.
Kind regards
Kris
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