Friday, May 15, 2009


May is probably the hardest month of the year for me. most people think it would be February the month we lost Micheal but May holds so many reminders for me that is it like a constant scratching at the scars. And I know I am truly not myself during May. With Mother's day, armed forces day, Micheal's Birthday, and memorial day all one weekend after the next it is just plain difficult. add to that May was the month Micheal was scheduled to come home on leave. We had a lot of plans for those 14 days. His brother's State Track meet, graduation, his birthday. So many things that were just left undone or partly done. Yes his brother ran the state meet but his heart wasn't in it. And yes his brother graduated. But there was no birthday party, no hugs, no celebration with Micheal.

This is the second May I have had to get through and it is harder in some ways than last year. I not as as numb I guess and in some ways more alone. I know now that the people I thought were just scared to call last year really just don't care. Others have stepped back from me this year. I can't blame them. It's hard dealing with the overly sensitive over reactive scary lady. What really hurts is that I know I have been acting completely out of character but they just stepped back instead of seeing now more than ever I needed them. Even if I am yelling and pushing them away...


joyce said...

Dear Knottie, My son has only been at Fort Sill a few months, just getting used to a job, and then he got word he was being sent to another job where he may deploy in December to Afghanistan. Then, on Tuesday, a sergeant was killed on a motorcycle and my son was given the task of securing and cataloging the sergeant's belongings. Another captain died April 27th in a bicycle accident. Two senseless deaths, and in the bicycle accident, the guy was just trying to keep in shape and the car that hit him did not even see him. All this to say, I don't think there is a good time to lose a loved one. My heart goes out to the parents of the sergeant--as they endured his deployments, and did not want him to get a motorcycle. And to the wife and daughter left behind with the bicycle accident--they too, endured a deployment and years of training. Did you read about that sixty year old Major who died in Iraq? He waited until his wife died to re-enter the military, and was killed by an IED.

Thank you for your words. It is sad to hear that you lose friends in this and yet only you are equipped to reach out and encourage another gold star mom or wife. Do you find them to be good listeners? Thanks, Joyce

Sharon said...

Dear Knottie,

One of the harder parts of dealing with any kind of tragedy (in my case, it was having a baby born with a birth defect) is the insensitivity of others. I think it's more than they just don't care (although some probably don't). I used to think it was because they didn't know what to say, and that's probably true for some people.

When I was pregnant with my second child, 4 1/2 years later, the nurse at the clinic told me that she didn't refer me to a social worker because she saw that I was "OK". By that she meant that I was functioning, getting dressed, taking care of my baby, doing what needed to be done.

Her comment helped me realize that people all too often don't really get how bad it is or how much you need support. It may be true that they don't care, but it's also possible they truly don't understand.

Perhaps your words will help others to recognize how important a kind word really is.

Your son was so beautiful, and my heart goes out to you, especially now that it's May.