This is the second Mother's day I will face without Micheal. I was warned by a very kind and loving woman last year how hard it would be. She too had lost her son but to a drunk driver. So last year I was prepared. I suppose I am again this year.
Last year, a few days before Mother's Day a delivery truck pulled up and I received a bouquet of Lilies. The card "From Your Boys in Company B" My son's brothers who I had not yet met had remembered me. It made the day easier. It is one of my most cherished mother's day gifts. Not the flowers... but that these men in a combat zone had taken the time to remember me. This year my phone is all ready buzzing with text messages. And pans for visits in a couple of weeks.
I have every homemade card and gift my kids ever made put away. I remember the text message from my son David last year (He was in his bedroom and I was in the kitchen) telling me he loved me and he would wash my car. Seems unusual but David does not show emotion so it was so very him to do it that way. It made me happier than if he had spent a $1000 on a gift.
My youngest made me a birdhouse at school this year. I will hang it on the porch in the morning and look at it daily when I go out to drink my morning coffee on the porch.
My daughter... she will make her famous chocolate chip pancakes.. I don't have the heart to tell her I hate pancakes. and I will end up cleaning the kitchen up afterwards. LOL and Tomorrow night we go watch her choir concert and I get to sit in the audience and be proud of her. She has an amazing voice...she didn't get it from me.
Tomorrow is Mother's day. I will try and pretend it is just another day for the most part. But I know I will get hugs and Happy Mother's Day from my kids. Only Micheal's will be missing. And I will pull out the box when I am alone and go through all the cards and gifts from past mother's days that he made me. I will dust his table and maybe get the nerve up to go out to the cemetery. By the end of the day I will be emotionally and mentally preparing for next Sunday... It would have been Micheal's 21st birthday.
Funny at the one year mark people told me I had faced all the first and I had for the most part. But I think the seconds are a little harder. I'm not as numb now. And no matter how long it is...there will be firsts that Micheal should be here for that he won't be.
Yep.. tonight I am feeling sorry for myself. Just a little. I get to do that a few times a year....