Christmas 2008

I spent a little of Christmas with my Army family last night. As most you know the troops in Afghanistan and Iraq asked me to help coordinate a few blog talk shows together and put on a 6-hour message read. The first two hours the troops were unable to log on but during the 3rd two hour session we were able to read as many of the messages as I could pullout of the very active chatroom. Some were not showing on my screen and I feel terrible about missing those. All in all it was funny and in a small way I got to spend some of my Christmas with these phenomenal men who I think of not just friends but family. I like taking care of my family and for me that was what doing the Troop Christmas show was all about. I hope they enjoyed the shows as much as we did. I look forward to putting together more for them in the future.

In a small way my son was with me last night. This will be the second Christmas I will not be able to hug him. Of course last Christmas he was safe and being silly with his guys. Waking them up and blessing them all with a candy cane. And I thought that it was just a matter of time before I could hug him and make his favorite candies for him again. Chocolate covered pretzels. I didn't make them this year. Maybe next.

Christmas this year is all about ghost. Pokey's ghost.. He is everywhere. I hear his voice as a small child asking to help frost cookies, or if Santa knows he was good. I hear him as a teenager begging for this or that to be under the tree. I see him laying on the couch watching Christmas Specials. I see him peeking out the window looking for the snow. I want to reach out and touch him but I know I can't. I will never run my finger through his hair again or feel his head on my shoulder as he comes up behind me. I'll never look into his eyes and know he is lying because his smile is so big both sets of dimples show. He is not here... but yet he is everywhere in this house.

Do not cry for me this Christmas. I have the memories of all the past Christmas' to inspire me. And I want them to. I want to be able to bring a little joy to others and hope that the memory created is one they will hold for many Christmas'. Because in the end it is not about trees, lights, presents or shiny things.. it's about creating memories and sharing joy.

Merry Christmas from me and my Santa's Helper