Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Rate Your Year

A favorite blogger titled his daily blog today " Rate Your Year Here" and it got me thinking. Of course my first thought was it was "my year was cursed". And it was but I also had to stop and think about all the blessings. You see this same blogger asked a question the other day to which I responded, " Curses and blessings usually come hand in hand".

So here I sit thinking about the horrific pain I have endured and am learning to live with this year. The black hole in my soul that is so empty it is painful. I think about my other three kids and the pain they too endure and the helplessness I feel at times when I can not make it better. I think about my son's father's words..."I lost my son and my legacy". I think about the men who fought and lived beside my son and their pain. You see they loved him too. As much as I did with a bond I will never know. The curses...

And I think about all the love and caring we have all received. Some from strangers who I will never know again. Some from people who this tragedy brought into my life and who have now become fixtures. I think about the bond and relationships I have built with my son's brothers. Truly an extended family I may never have gotten to know as I have except for our shared grief. The blessings...

I also have to look at where this path is taking me. In the process of learning to live with this pain, for it never heals, I have explored this new voice I have and how best to use it. I have found strengths and talents I did not know I had. And I have found joy again in doing work I never would have considered before. The reward of finding something I both enjoy and can help my son's brothers doing is more than a person could hope to be blessed with.

So how do I rate my year? My year was cursed... and curses and blessings come hand in hand.

3 comments:

David M said...

The Thunder Run has linked to this post in the blog post From the Front: 12/31/2008 News and Personal dispatches from the front and the home front.

littlefox said...

Happy New Year Knottie! I think about you often, you are an inspiration! Nice blog.
Keep spreading your story
and may God bless you dearly.

CyberPastor said...

Love you Knottie, we've been blessed by getting to know you!